A letter about love
Dear young Brothers
This is an open letter to all young men trying to find the right girl or suitor. This paper seeks to enlighten the young Christian brothers and open minded Christian sisters. It is mainly addressed to young men since the writer’s insight and is limited to a men’s perspective. However, some of the contents in of this article will apply to both young men and women. You are implored to keep an open mind and hopefully, at the end of this article, you will learn something.
God is love and loves only exists in God. This is the reason most people are frustrated and agitated when it comes to matters of the heart. They fail to realise that without God, perfect love cannot exist. God is love, and in him, we can truly experience love. We must seek God first and live according to his will. Matthew 6:33 states; But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Furthermore, it is only in God where we can know a perfect love which is kind, humble, selfless, patient, forgiving, righteous, true, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres and it never fails. See I Corinthians 13:4-8.
The first step to finding the right woman is for you to become the right man first. You have to be the kind of person you desire. While in the secular world opposites attract in the word of God like poles attract. Good begets good and evil begets evil. Be the kind of person you want to attract before you go out looking for one. You must not pray to God to give you the right woman before you pray to God to make you the right man. The word of God and Prayer must first transform you to be loving, caring, compassionate, and be able to provide for that woman whom you shall eventually have.
Many guys out there are searching for a good lady who is God-fearing and prayerful. However in Matthew 7:10 the word of God clearly states that God as our father will not give to his child a serpent when she asks for fish. Furthermore, Proverbs 28:10b clearly states that the upright shall have the good things in their possession. God will hand the good relationships or good marriages to his good sons and daughters. He will not hand you over to that good girl you desire so much if you do not change your ways and become that good boy too. And remember, God is not going to trust a man who does not love him to love his Daughter.
After putting your house in order now you have to become ready for God to hand you over to that person you are praying for. Proverbs 31:10-31 says, who shall find a virtuous Woman for her price is far above rubies. Two things are key in this verse; the first is a virtuous woman and the second is a price far above rubies. According to the Oxford dictionary being virtuous means having high moral standards, good or desirable. So it is this woman who is good, desirable and has high moral standards that the bible is saying she has a price far above rubies.
Rubies were and are still some of the most valuable objects a person can find. Rubies are not objects that anyone can possess or acquire because they are hard to find and they are also very expensive. The bible then says a virtuous woman has a price far above that of these expensive rubies. The passage does not tell us how many rubies it is talking about but I would like to think that what it meant was all the rubies in this world put together. If this is so that means we cannot even imagine of quantifying how valuable a virtuous woman is. We cannot even try to apply our values and standards because they are not enough. Her value is far above that.
Then we ask ourselves then how do we measure? How do we know? The answer is Only God Knows. We often think it is our duty to go out there and find the woman but gentlemen that is God’s duty. He either directs you to the right woman or he directs the right woman to you. There is no science or formula but just faith in God that he is faithful and he will not put you to shame. A good woman is a gift from God. A virtuous woman you cannot buy her, you cannot persuade her, seduce her or trick her only God and I repeat only God can make her love you.
In your quest for love, there are things that can hold you back and the chief of these can be your background. Never let your past or current situation make you lose faith in God’s plan. There are girls out there who will look down upon you because of where you come from or because of your current situation. However you are not your past and as long you are a child of God, God can change your seemingly hopeless situation into a victory. Moses was not an eloquent speaker, David was just a boy against a Giant, Gideon had 300 against thousands and Joseph was just a boy sold into slavery by his own brothers but because they all had God, their situations did not define them but God gave them a greater destiny.
As long you are steadfast in the Lord and determined enough you be your situation, everything will work for good. To those who shunned you during that time I say good riddance. Some ladies will look at your life and see a failure, but a man’s life cannot be measured by his present situation only because that can change. I said good riddance because temporary failures sometimes show the true colours of the people around you, they separate the wheat from the chaff and weed out the fake people.
Brothers! Don’t be obsessed with beauty. In Genesis 13:10 Lot, instead of kneeling down and enquiring from God he lifted his eyes and he saw the fertile plains and according to his sight, Sodom and Gomorrah were the best land. We all know all kinds of bad things that come into our minds when we think of Sodom and Gomorrah. The words are synonyms of evil. Sometimes we are so busy looking for that Malaika who looks fertile and green yet rotten to the core like Sodom and Gomorrah and we fail to seek God’s guidance to realise the Ruth that we are passing. We become so obsessed with outward appearance that we fail to see what God has placed inside her.
A woman is not just a piece of art but a living soul. It is the living soul that makes a person and if we search for the things inside the person we will actually discover who she really is. Joseph could have quit on Mary if he had only considered what was physically manifesting on her, but he didn’t because his focus was on God’s word, and by listening to God’s word he found out that what was inside Marry was actually a good thing that the Holy Spirit had placed inside her. He became the father of the Messiah. Pray to God so that he will show you what he has placed inside your Mary, not what you see with your eyes.
As Christian men we are taught to be leaders in the household but for you to be a leader you must learn to be led first. According to Romans 8:14: For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. And 1 Corinthians 11:3 states that “… the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.” Every Christian must be led by the Holy Spirit, don’t expect your partner or wife to listen to you when you don’t listen to the Holy Spirit. Don’t expect your wife to be subject, be led, respect and honour you when you aren’t the same to Jesus. You must humble yourself before the lord and he will lift you up before your lady. If you want God’s daughter my brother to make sure you want to be led by his spirit also.
The golden rule that can save any relationship is that never expect from a woman what you are not willing to work to earn. Most men believe that as of right women should respect, submit, love them and so on, these things even if you think they are your rights make sure you work towards earning them. If you are not prepared to earn respect please don’t expect it, and the same applies to any other treatment you wish from her. They are ladies out there who may give that to you even if you do not deserve it or have earned it but nevertheless you must be willing to work to earn.
Lastly, when you pray, do not only pray for the right woman but for your family too. This is because when God eventually gives you that woman soon you will be planning that family too. Marriage is not just there to fulfil a social status but it is also an institution created by God and you must be willing to raise it in God’s way. In a sermon by a pastor at my local Church, on raising a Godly generation, this is what he had to say; The best gift you can ever give a child is godliness, however, one can only give what he has. We should strive for Godliness so that we can have something to impart on our children. God’s plan starts with an individual then families and then communities. Godly people establish Godly families, Godly families establish Godly communities and it only a Godly community that can establish a Godly church.
We are what we feed on and we are what we repeatedly do, therefore Godliness is not a single act but it is a way of life. Each and every aspect of our lives must radiate the Glory of God. Feed on the principles given, even our relationships must radiate with the Glory of God. I hope this has helped a soul and May God bless you